THEY CALL ME THE BANANA HAMMER

What can I say? Seriously, is there a limit as to how much vulgarity and stupidity I can spew? My name is Zach. I was once intelligent, but then I met the internet and it was a star-crossed-lover-kinda-shit-thing yo.

huffleist-of-puffs:

cumber-bitches:

Stop making books into films and start making them into a tv show so we could have a lot more detail to them and they can stick to the book easier.

I thought this was going to make me annoyed but everything turned out better than expected

(via kitten-left-alone)

keepmywhiskeyneat:

TRUE STORY
One morning, I was awakened by a knock at the door. I rolled out of bed, threw a blanket over my shoulder because it was cold, and made my way to the front of the house. I opened the door and a very nice Mormon lady handed me a pamphlet and launched in to a well-rehearsed spiel about accepting jesus in to my life when she stopped mid sentence and gave me a peculiar look. I used this pause in her speech to politely decline her offer and wish her a pleasant morning. It wasn’t until I looked at what she handed me that I understood why I stopped her in her tracks and then proceeded to laugh for the next half hour by myself.

keepmywhiskeyneat:

TRUE STORY

One morning, I was awakened by a knock at the door. I rolled out of bed, threw a blanket over my shoulder because it was cold, and made my way to the front of the house. I opened the door and a very nice Mormon lady handed me a pamphlet and launched in to a well-rehearsed spiel about accepting jesus in to my life when she stopped mid sentence and gave me a peculiar look. I used this pause in her speech to politely decline her offer and wish her a pleasant morning. It wasn’t until I looked at what she handed me that I understood why I stopped her in her tracks and then proceeded to laugh for the next half hour by myself.

(via theydontneedcapes)

sourhex:

On the other hand, my nose flaring abilities are pretty good

For some reason I thought about this a lot as a kid

(via theydontneedcapes)